Flying the Nest.
- seanrooney5
- Mar 2, 2022
- 3 min read
So all writers have been there. We have spent hours each day nurturing our baby novel. The days turn into months, the months to years before finally, it is grown up and ready to fly the nest and leave home.
The day has come, and we prepare, with trepidation, to send it out alone. We can no longer influence it; we have no say anymore. It is about to become an organic living being of its own. It is about to find a new home. A new home on Amazon, and we, as parents, are proud it has made it so far.
At that moment, we forget the lesser siblings that languish in forgotten folders on our desktop. Their progress in this world lasts a mere 40,000 words. Less still, the single page ideas that made so much sense at 1 am on a Sunday morning. What exactly is a 'Time Tourist?' Will I ever open that folder 'Diehard in the big brother house?" Those nonsense love children of white wine and an exaggerated belief in one's blockbuster writing ability. What were we thinking?
Our new Amazon baby is THE one, and now we focus our pride on them. We are hoping to hope that they can make a success of themselves in the big bad world. Download after download, 5-star review after 5-star review, maybe Netflix will call to offer millions of dollars for the rights to a mini-series. Ryan Reynolds signs up for the lead and provides a performance so outstanding that the Academy change their rules and give him an Oscar for TV work. Ryan gushes on chatshows about the world-changing effects of your novel. Donald Trump makes it the first book he ever reads and is so overcome with emotion that he declares world peace. We see him in the White House saying how greatly he likes the book.
We watch as our 'child' takes on the world.
Yes!
We check our balance for the royalty cheques. All we see is a reality check. Zero sales. Zero Dollars. Ryan Reynolds is oblivious to your genius.
So now we sit at home as our baby navigates the scary world of Amazon. We wait by the computer, desperate to hear from them - Nothing. They don't write; they don't call.
We worry as only parents can. Have they made friends? Do people like it? Nothing.
Suddenly we have nothing in our lives. Its siblings cry to us from a disorganized desktop, each desperate for our attention — the failures of our firstborn holding us back.
The house is empty. We no longer have control over protagonists or their rivals. Our omnipotent power is gone. We cannot offer that cruel twist anymore or have our hero defeat their enemies. We are impotent. Lost, bereft of influence. A once-mighty God watching his creation fail miserably.
What next for our 'child'? Will they have to whore themselves out as a free publication? Walking the streets of the internet for the false promise of a review - may be a star or two.
No wait — a sale. Woo Hoo, you are now a professional author. A new lease of life; a new lease of worry - I'll have to start paying taxes, who will look after my money, what Tesla will I buy? Toilet trips change from checking sales figures to practicing what you will say to Oprah when she has you on her show. Will fame change you as a person? Will you and Ryan become best friends? How do I tell him I don't like his Gin? #donottellryan
A text from your mum.
"I brought your book on amazon, dear. I don't really understand it, but well done you."
NO!!!!
Time for coffee. Suddenly I hanker towards the days that would never come spending time with Ryan tasting gin. The house is quiet again.
We sit and wait and tell everyone how we love our book in the hope that someone else will love it as only a parent could.
It's only been a day since I sent my baby to Amazon - Please look after him.
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